Mike Goes To Movies

The Old Guard (2020) TLDR: Immortal and yet still unable to elevate this one past your standard run-of-the-mill action flick. Netflix's newest romp-and-stomp, The Old Guard, based on the comic series by Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernandez, may give you that temporary adrenaline fix you crave but, ultimately, it is fairly standard fare that will likely come and go like so much other contemporary content. The Old Guard is about a small group of immortals who, throughout history, have acted as a for-hire squad. The team is led by Andy (Charlize Theron), the oldest (and most badass) of the four. The film centres around a plot by a business man (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who seeks to expose the group's incredible power so that another more-cruelly minded business man may distill and capitalize the group's immortality. At the same time, the group becomes aware of a brand new immortal (Kiki Layne) whom they attempt to integrate into their way of life. The concept - while not en...

Hellboy (2019) Like Hellboy himself, this film was clearly created in one of the deepest layers of hell... but, unlike the hero of Mike Mignola's universe, this film is completely devoid of any saving graces or shreds of humanity. Simply put, this film is an abysmal failure. Personally, I am a huge fan of the character and world of Hellboy, which makes this year's reboot really one of the greatest disappointments I have experienced at the theatre thus far.  Supposedly, there was quite a lot of drama going on behind the scenes during the making of the film - a power struggle between a few of the producers and the directors, re-writing by the actors while filming, firings, and walk-offs. This may account for a few final deficiencies, however, while watching this film, it is quite remarkable to see how this film failed to do pretty much anything correctly. The script is awful - there is no justification for the abundant profanity and gore, the plot feels like a string of unco...

The Sisters Brothers (2018) The Sisters Brothers is yet another illustration of the fickleness of the film industry. It is by all means a very good film - direction, cinematography, script, acting, and so on - however, it greatly under-performed on release and, since, has more-or-less disappeared from discussion. This really is a shame because The Sisters Brothers has all of the trappings of a classic dark comedy. I guess the one hope is that it bounces back in future years as somewhat of a cult film. As one can guess, the film is about the Sisters brothers - two of the most infamous hired-guns around - Charlie (John C. Reilly) and Eli (Joaquin Phoenix). The film revolves around the brothers meeting up with a man, John Morris (Jake Gyllenhaal) who has been tracking another man, Hermann Kermit Warm (Riz Ahmed), whom the brothers have been hired to kill. Along the way, the brothers run into and entangle themselves with an assortment of notable characters, dangers, and various plots...

Pet Semetary (2019) God, cats are just the fucking creepiest... A second cinematic re-telling of Stephen King's classic 1983 horror novel, the haunting story revolves around the Creed family who have just moved into a rural home near the town of Ludlow. Upon arriving, the family discovers the titular 'pet semetary', an old graveyard where children have ritualistically been burying their deceased pets for many generations. As one can imagine, the 'semetary' is more than a little bit haunted... For those who are unfamiliar with the story, to go into further detail would spoil much of the plot and the horrors that befall Louis Creed and his family. Suffice it to say that the narrative, and the film's main theme, revolves around one of the truest nightmares that a family could suffer. Coincidentally, I actually read the original novel last year (not knowing that a film remake was already in the works) and so it was difficult not to compare this film with the...

Adaptation (2002) ADMIT ONE to the mind-bending, meta world of Charlie Kaufman's psyche. This film is the epitome of what I will refer to as the intellectual's mindfuck . It is like what Dazed and Confused or Pineapple Express are to stoners, but for the thinkers out there. Adaptation is equally trippy as these films, but in a very different and more cerebral way. I will try to briefly explain what the film is about, however, for those that are unfamiliar with it, I imagine you will quickly think to yourself, "what in the fuck..." Adaptation is stated to be based on the real novel The Orchid Thief by Susan Orleans but the film is really about Charlie Kaufman's struggle to adapt the novel into a complete screenplay. So, yes, the film is about the writing of... the actual film. This film, as such, is one of the most meta stories you will find out there, and that is much of the fun and complexity of it. The audience has to contend with constantly trying t...